To All My Single Ladies

steve mcnairThis has been an age old question I’ve always wanted to know concerning women and their relationships with married men: why do mistresses always think that they are the number lady in the lives of the men they deal with?  Seriously, what situation does anyone know of where the man treats the mistress like a wife?  The wife, and family if kids are involved always get the biggest house while the mistress and him sneak off to random motels, hotels if it’s a celebrity. 

Or condos in the case of now deceased Tennesee Titans former QB Steve “Air” McNair. 

Concerning his now deceased girlfriend, 20-year-old girlfriend Sahel Kazemi who’s from this area of the country out here in Jacksonville, Florida, I really wonder did she think that she was the number one in McNair’s life?  So he bought her an Escalade—whoop-de-doo.  When are women going to get it; as long as the man is married, he doesn’t love you!

I think this is a relatively simple fact and thought to digest.  It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to deduce and discover just how this concept works.  If this man that you’re messing with has not left his wife, that really shows the man’s inability to either a) make crucial decisions in his life b) or his supreme selfishness by wanting to have his cake and eat it too.  Moreover, to the woman, if you’re messing with a married man, let’s just say things work out in your favor and he really does divorce wife number one, what’s to say he won’t step out on you down the line?

To address the neo-Conservatives of the group, since I try and make sure my posts have a little bite to them, I think it’s stuff like this that’s eroding away the fabric of real marriage in this country—not gays and lesbians trying to marry.  In fact it seems like that demographic is trying to institute and create a stable family, perhaps one that does not look like the traditional picture of family in this country, but a family nonetheless.  I would much rather hear the media associate with the conservative talking points their discussion on how once one has a family how to maintain a familial structure rather than attack others for something that really doesn’t affect their own family.

On the other hand, I truly do believe that marriage as we know it, is somewhat of a farce.  Even in the Old Testament scriptures, the process through which the Israelites had to get married was utterly ridiculous. The idea of dowry’s being paid to the various families and the rules concerning women were highly patriarchal, dominating and downright inhuman at the expense of the soon-to-be wife if you ask me.  In addition to these Victorian ideal of a family structure that clearly place the wife beneath that of the husband and the immovable belief that the woman is to “submit” to the husband.

Now I’m not against that idea in a pure sense.  That is to say that the wife and husband team decide mutually that for the best of their family that the husband is to be the leader, but I doubt anyone ever had the conversation where for the best of the family that the woman should be the leader of the familial structure.  Fact of the matter is that that is the case many times in the single-parent households.  According to Walton’s book Watch This! The Ethics and Aesthetics of Black Televangelism, some of these preachers would have one believe that because single mothers are single that they are operating outside of the will of God.

Well, after that foxhole of a tangent I just went on, I still ask this question to single women: why would you mess with a married man?  Or to push it even further, to what extent would you mess with a married man?  While not excusing an affair with a married man, but I think doing so with the “no strings attached” clause is much more healthier in the long run for both parties rather than a woman actually catching feelings for this man.  Again, not excusing the man’s behavior, but maybe women force the man into saying something that may not really be true for the simple sake of keeping the affair going; he’s into the affair for one reason while the woman is in it for another reason—and the two never equal each other.

will smith and jadaFor me naturally, I question the institution of marriage.  Maybe we are experiencing a natural shift in things, a natural evolution of sorts.  Perhaps given our mayfly existence, it’s hard to wrap our minds around the idea that we may actually be living in such an epoch, but imagine how it must have been for the animals and creatures who experienced the climatic shift of the Ice Age.  Perhaps the natural progression of technology and information coupled with our preconceived notions and practices around marriage aren’t designed to sync with each other.  That’s probably why we still have a section of Luddites who feel that all technology is of the devil.  To take a page out of Will Smith and Jada Pinkett’s marriage playbook, it’s not a secret that they have an “open relationship” that while still married, they are both allowed to “dip out” when the one party feels necessary.

To each their own I say.  Perhaps we’re no more programmed to be monogamous than we are to engage in sexual escapades with different people in a willy-nilly fashion.  The latter proves dangerous as we embark on this new millennium as a result of sexually transmitted diseases that are incurable at worst and barely treatable at best.  The fact that some don’t wear condoms because of the reality it forces the user into by revealing to them that they are engaged in risky sexual behavior.

The only thing I can say is just simply think before you act.

It’s like chess.  In order to attempt to have a chance at winning, one must always be able to think a few steps ahead.

 What do you think was behind this all with Steve McNair and his girlfriend?  If one had to lay ultimate blame—which is easier to do at McNair or at the girlfriend?

 Keep it uppity and keep it truthfully radical, JLL

6 thoughts on “To All My Single Ladies

  1. You’re local so you probably read the newspaper article in which her sister stated that they loved each other and were due to marry within weeks once he left his wife. Also, just last week, she flew to Las Vegas to meet him, and he never showed up.

    If we have to lay blame, I place it squarely on his shoulders. He was older, more experienced, and should have made better decisions. Who could blame a young girl, niave girl for becoming star struck. Especially when seeing the fame and the money.

    I think he strung her along, and when she finally realized it was all just a game, she decided to get some payback. Too bad the payback included taking someone’s life.

    1. @ Max

      Yeah, I heard about it with her fam out in Orange Park.

      But, in this case, yes, I blame McNair. He shoulda known better than to string this young girl, high school drop out. Come on now Steve.

  2. With the information that’s given, I’d have to blame him. NOT because she was a young, naive, high school drop out but because he was married and HE took vows. Also,
    when women gain a little more self respect and stop thinking that half of a man is better than no man and understand that we as women are all sisters this won’t happen. Until then…this same thing will continually play out like a broken record with neither side learning a thing from it. Everyone thinks it won’t happen to them…until it does.

  3. I agree that if we are going to place blame it should be on the one who was in marital covenant with God and wife, not to mention being a father of four impressionable young boys.

    It sounds like this young girl really believed her prince in shining armor had come to rescue her from a life of “blah.” Her fantasy was being destroyed and she reacted destructively to say the least.

    I am also a fan of what I call the sisterhood covenant. All women are sisters who have to protect, support and honor each other. Well, that is the ideal. If only this were true.

  4. “why do mistresses always think that they are the number [one] lady in the lives of the men they deal with? ”

    Look. No ‘mistress’ over the age of, say, THIRTY, thinks she’s “the number one lady” in a married man’s life.
    Not if she has at least a semi-functioning brain.

  5. And, BTW, there needs to be some serious education in this country about the origins and history of the institution of Marriage.
    There is some serious ignorance out there about what marriage is or isn’t, why it was constructed in the first place…and by whom.

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