1. Ms. Marquadt.

A cat jumping off the Empire State Building.  It’s official, I’m not a friend of Kara right about now.  She has totally thrown it off.

But, she sounded a hawwwwt mess.

A cat sitting under a rocking chair.

Hmm…she got a booty.

What, why did her family and friends act like she could really sing.  Wth?!?!?!  Only a 4 on the WTF scale.

2. Ashley Anderson.

Footsteps in the sand….teehee 😉

Oh wow, they totally threw her off her stride….Nice voice, hopefully she’ll go through.

She’ll make it through to the semis with a voice like that.  Why does she look like a Cher knockoff?  Or is it just me.

I swear–if they show the black folk acting up, I’m going to have some problems.

……

Did they really have to show this infomercial of David Cook?!!??!

……

It’s not Kansas, it’s Missouri, but I guess.

3. Casey Carlson.  That dress…frock…curtain material that she busted out was NOT what was happening.

I’m frankly not impressed.

But, she’ll prolly go through.  I mean, she didn’t give a performance.  A package–meh, I guess.  Moving right along.

Oh em gee…she has on cowboy boots.

NEXT!

4.  Brian.

So he’s just a big guy.

Aretha….

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

HA!

HA!

And see, I wonder how did he get passed the audition people earlier.  YES–thank youuuuuuuu! Move ON!!

That was definitely, definitely a HAWT MESS!

Then he tried the Josh Groban.  Oh wow, Randy tried a “baby” as opposed to a “dawg.”  How was this guy supposed to be an applied voice major.  Wow, he said he wasn’t gonna cry on camera.

*******

Woooooow, she got the “RIICCKYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!” from Boyz N’ Da Hood cry going on.

NEEEEXT!

********

5.  Missed it.

6. Mr. Vinson

I’m just scared.

Let’s just say good bye.  That was the easy way to get rid of him.  Looked like he had on a supersized knockoff Ed Hardy shirt.

7.  Chris Jones

Who let’s these people in looking and sounding like this

8. Deaundre

WHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!

a.  why the black folks gotta sing gospel?!!??!!?  b.  Why when he sang “was blind, but now I see” they zoomed into his coke bottle glasses.

9. Von

WTF!?!?!?!?!?!  

That was the weirdest start I’ve ever heard on American Idol.  He sure gave off the vibe that he couldn’t sing.  

WOW!  He has a BIG voice.  You could hear just how he filled up the room.

*********

So….will Von make it?!?!?!?!?

The suspense builds!?!?!?!

A big instrument…teehee ;))

10.  Michael Castro.

He doesn’t know his age like that numbnut from last night who was 22 and from Phoenix.

Girly….

Came out?!?!?!??!

Did I miss something…

Says the one wearing pink hair.  This will definitely prove to be interesting to say the least.  20 days before the audition–oh wow, we’ll see.

SEND HIM THROUGH!!

I’m impressed…I’m not feeling the pink hair.  But um, I don’t know how far he’s gonna go though.  Yeah, I’m with Simon.  It’s goodish, it’s lacking something though.

Kara is the biggest flirt EVER.  That’s why she busted off when homegirl in the bikini shut it DOWN with Simon and Randy.  Now when it happens to them, the men don’t say nothing.

TELL THE NEW JUDGE TO FALL BACK!!!!

11.  Do you want a banah-nah?!?!

For real?!?!?!?!

12.  Matt.  (ApPEALling!  I swear Fox and Ryan are sooooo cornbread with these jokes.  Am I the only one who gets ’em?)

Hmmm….the bar scene.  Wonder what his voice is going to sound like.  What–“I get that.”  Simon is kinda rude on that one.

What the hell?!?!?!  Randy is a mess.  I thought that was good song.  Seriously, I thought it was good song.  What is the criteria for judging?  Yeah, I’m with Simon.

Randy gets a 7 on the WTF scale.

13.  Jasmine “Jazz”

OUCH!!  

The hair…the rainbow colored hair.

Why haven’t they stopped her yet….?!?!?!?!  Where was the patented hand raise either Simon or Paula gave her.  WOW.  “She won’t see the oteher side of her rainbow.”

They are KILLIN!!

********

Woooow…the Wicked Witch cackle.

14.  Jessica

Grandma’s crazy pills.  She’s deaf too.  Give her that lil ear plug that amplifies crap–the Loud and Clear!!!

Janis Joplin….hmmmm….

I really liked that opening.  I don’t think I woulda picked this song for her though.  She pulled it, but I still woulda liked to hear another song from her.

15. The Rapping Sisters

Rappers…I’m done.  

That’s like bringing a knife to a gun fight.  This is a singing competition and they gon’ rap—ABOUT COOKIES and CHEESEBURGERS!?!?!?!?!?!?

**Crawls under the bed**

a. Asia

ROTFLMAO!!!!!!

She did that run….HA!!!!!!

b. India Morrison

She shoulda told her sister that she couldn’t sing.  WTF?!?!?!?!  Only one is going to Holly-weird.  Personally I wasn’t impressed.  I mean, they voted for her, but Randy didn’t want to vote for Matt.  A mess!

And they brought the whole family.  

Look at Aun-T and MAdea

16.  Jamarr

UHHHHHHHHH—…

NAHHHHH…

WOOOOOOW, y’all heard that dipthong–Winterrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr day….

WTF?!?!?!  

I don’t know what to say?!?!?!

**throws up hands and moves on**

WHAT!?!?!?!?  This competition is a sham!  

He got through?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

CUT OFF the mohawk!!!

17.  Danny

Jamarr’s “brother”  riiiiiiight….

why do they make melodramas out of all of this.  And then if they can’t sing and just BOOOOOOMB you feel guilty about laughing.  Sooooo, this dude better pull on EVERY emotion to pull this out.  I mean, they have video footage–

THIS ISH IS STAAAAAAGED!!!!

Well, at least he can sing.  He’s a music teacher, he shoulda been able to pull on something.  But that song had NOTHING to do with his wife dying.

I’m shocked Kara didn’t bust out a Yiddish word again.

The terrorist fist bump happens again.  He possibly has top ten possibilities.

18.  Wooooooow….she yodelled…and Simon laughed

19. She just looks like a cat, and sounds like crap

20.  All BLACK….WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW….the big girls.  She works at Denny’s

They clowning,

21.  Anupe.   

He’s a Kappa!?!?!?!??!

Oh, Anoop

Secondly, he’s the fewl who—-

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He can actually sing?!!?!??!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

WTF!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!  He gets a 10 on the WTF scale.

Crazy Vocals—RANDY SIT DOWNE!!!!

Ummmmm…..he got those vocals from studying barbecue.

Anywho, as he goes through, he gon be the one who’s an expert about Southern blacks and we don’t know ish about us.

22. Sign Sealed Delivered

Lawwwwwwwwwwd….just deliver me.  Swimming in jello.

23 through like (pick a random number) 34. Thankfully we passed on all them.

Signed sealed the limit….LMAO

I REFUSE to comment on the cheerleaders.  ‘Nuff Said.

********

Why are we encouraging gimmicks?!?!?  Not one single gimmick has made it past the judges.  

Thank God they left theirs.

35. Andrew

OH MY….I have to comment.

She looks like she’s headed to a ghetto prom with a school ending in the name like [Whitney] Young or [Booker T.] Washington.

**DONE**

And for all that…he’s a HAWT MESS!!

Well, iono bout HAWT, but I wouldn’t let him in.

HAAAAAA!  HA!  He changed his vote?!?!?!!  Bogus to the ‘nth degree.

No to everybody!?!?!?  Ryan sit DOWNE!!!  Three year thing?!?!!? 

Baby, there are OTHER ways to the top.

36. Asa

OH WOW!!! his daughter is ADORABLE with the dimples

Um….I wouldn’t have picked this song for him.  He has stage presence though.  He’s gonna go through though.

WAAAAAAAAIIIIIIT….

he’s frat?!?!?!

Was that Alpha hands, but I heard dog calls which are clearly Que’s….

Anywho, my phone just lit up with three female friends telling me Asa is “kah-yute” and one wants to me a step mom. HAHAHAHAHA!!!  This is funny.  My one friend said “she felt a spark.”

ROTFLMAO!!!!

**********

37. Michael Nicewonder

I’ve been through Grand Island, Neb.  His hair is the color of the corn that’s out there.  If don’t get out now, he’s not gon make it.

I’m not holding hope right about now.

Wooooow…that was rude Simon.

Simon know this fool can’t sing….he was trying to not put off the inevitable.

SEEEEEEEEEEE….a HAWWWWT MESS!!!!

RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT…just go ahead and stawwwwwp….

WTF?!?!?!

Can we hear the next one about the grandmother!?!??!  Why are they playing with this boy’s emotions??!?!?!  Like he sounds okay.  It’s a bit gloomy–a hawt mess.

38.  Dennis

He sound like some Alabama rekect who made it to the big leagues.

Of course, he’d be from my homestate.  Glen Carbon–never heard of it.  The way he talking it’s GOT to be from somewhere near St. Louis.

Okay, I’ve heard some crap today—they need to send him through.  I liked his voice personally.  Maybe because he’s actually singing some songs I like and had heard before.

Very…good.  It’s WELL…sing very WELL.

Wow, now he’s guilt tripping.

Anywho…um, he wasn’t bad.  But, honestly, I’m not convinced he’s gonna make it very far though.

39, 40, 41, 42 and on….

Yay, 10 minutes to count down.

LAwwwwwwwwwwwd….and here this trick go…

43. Mia….janatorial engineer.

She looks a hot mess.

No stage presence. 

They told her to stop because they knew that high note was NOT gon’ work.

Why these fools keep on singing?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!

Sweet–right, wait till later.  The easiest song in the world would NOT work for her.

She COGIC or something.  She keep on getting God for them.

She needs to go ‘head and sing backup for T-Baby in It’s So Cold in the D.

Hell, even Scarlett’s big @$$ sounded better than that–before her tumble, lol. 😉

44. Lil Rounds

She got straight up church vocals.  She probably sings alto in the choir or she could give me praise and worship leader.

Going through to the next round.  That lil’ (no pun intended) run at the end was the business!!

And she’s beautiful.  I LOVE it!!!

And she got a donk!!!  But I’m taken, and so is she!

*******************************************

“Y’all suck as judges.”

See, told you he wasn’t going far.

I just wasted two hours of my life that I can’t get back on completely frivolous entertainment.  I’m out y’all.

Keep it uppity and keep it truthfully radical, JLL