I just realised that I could do this live blog….

In the spirit of all that doesn’t matter to life and all that has no intrinsic value; in the spirit of that which is for nothing more than entertainment value, I will stupidly live blog this.

 

1.  Who the hell was this Twann guy.  Seriously, did he really think that he was going to make it because he had this big hair?!?!? Afro-picked out?!?!

2. Emily.  Um, I’m not a fan of her voice.  I don’t thinks she’ll make it.  But I’ve heard current singers that sound worse than her.  she could make it if she wants to.  But yeah, Simon is right, that’s a hard song.  Clearly–she’s gon make it.  Top five Paula?!?!?  we’ve only heard two.

Okay, on commerical break–why did we have to go to four judges?  Seriously, what was wrong with the three we had.

Sorry, on second thought, don’t answer that.

3. Randy.  Was he really crying?!?!?!?!?  This is a hawt mess.  Bon Jovi is not pleased.  Oh wow, for real.  They let these people through and not qualified people.  Oh wow, he’s about to start crying again.

OOOOOOoooooh, the first judge fight.

Paula is a mess.  Simon–YOU’RE so pessimistic.

Let’s go back to three judges, dawg.  

Dude needs to grow a spine and come back.  And Ryan and these barbs: “But Randy is able to squeeze out a few more [tears].”  WTF?!?!?!  he’s been down on his luck–so he changed his life for this one audtion.

4. J.B. He should go through.  I’ve heard way worse they’ve let through.  ‘Nuff said.  Yeah, he needs let loose though.

Everyone and every family should learn from him.  They were very subdued and calm in their response–not hootin’ and hollering like some folks.

5. Michael Gurr….

Yet another 8 on the WTF scale?!?!?!?  If he’s nervous–why does he wanna be in show biz.  He now moves to a 10 on the WTF scale.  HE sounds a mess….

HAHAHAHA!  Even five years…was he serious?!?!?!?  WTF?!?!?! “ooooh the rain drops….”  I’m with Randy–this ish is HORRRRRIBLE!!!!  HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARIBLE!!!   ARe y’all listening to the music playing behind this.

BIH-ZAAAARRH!

I mean Ryan is a mess with this commentary.

Tears for Fears….this is some whyte ish.  I don’t think this falls into Fried Chicken and Watermelon Stuff.

6, 7 and then 8. Shawn Vasquez with this Dionne Warwick.  WHAT THE EFF!?!?!?!?  The….well….them starr-ruh earrings was a bit too much.  And the mohawk…

**shakes my head**

9. Aundre Caraway.  Um, he gets a 7 on the WTF scale so far.  I mean, he looks like he’s just having fun.  It’s not quite as weird…well, that yodeling get him a 8 now…Lawwwwd, what are we doing in America. 

What?!?!?!  Delusions of Grandeur?!?!  All of these people are channeling their inner Sarah Palin by thinking they are hawt stuff and really they aren’t.

10.  Arianna. I’ve yet to see high schoolers just sound a hot mess.  I’m going to be highly disappointed if this SD chick can’t sing.  

YESSSSSSSSSSS!!

SEND HER THROUGH!!!!!!!!

She gets a 0 on the WTF scale.  WONDERFUL!!!!!!!!!  I’m calling her to make it into the semi-finals.  I don’t know about top ten, but semi finals.

Who was the chick in the red handing out yellow papers…who was she lookin like she belonged on the Brady Bunch.

So why don’t we see the other people who get yellow tickets.  I mean, out of the ten people we saw, they only show two people that make it.  This again proves the enduring problem that we have in this country.  Yes, this uppity Negro only watches intently during this part of the season to watch the fools act up on the show, but it would be nice to see people who actually can sing.  Clearly we’re more interested in watching people that are a HAWWWT mess rather than something that actually makes sense.  We’re more entertained with the Aundre’s and the J.B.’s than we are with the other NINE people that got a goldenrod golden ticket yellow piece of paper.

I’m not convinced…that Barry White wanna be look and sound a mess.  This Day 2 is going to be a mess…

I’m going to climb the frosty mountain.

11. Elijah.  He’s a cashier.

He’s 22, and from Phoenix.  Oh it is.  Oh it is. 

Say: “The following program is for mature audiences only.  Viewer discretion is advised.”

You know he can’t sing.

This is about to be a trainwreck.

I’m with Simon–I’m not hopeful.

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!!!!

GO HOME!

GO HOME!

GO HOME!!

NEEEEEEXT…

**waits on contestant #12**

12. Lea Marie Golde

I lied.  Here’s a teenage 16 year old mess.

Wooooooow….she busted out a Trapper Keeper.  Y’all remember those things?!?!?!  I used to beg my momz for one of those when I was in grammer school.

“Can I touch you?”

WTF?!?!?!  Karah…you get 6 on the WTF scale.

She shouldn’t go through.  She’s singing from the back of her throat…I was NOT a fan.

Alright…I’m calling it—KARAH and PAULA are members of the Lesbyterian Church…some Lesbos.  Yup, it sounded like she was at a musical or at some amusement park.

HAHA…attended the seminars.

14.  Stevie.

Alright…

Interesting, she changed the key from Etta James’ original key to fit her voice.  She’s nervous.  I kinda like it.  She made the song fit her.  I wish she’d relax a bit.  Yeah, it was a few moments I felt that–yup, I’m with Simon.  She needs to fight for it.

Great person to end on.  It’s 9pm, I’m done, I have better stuff to do.

Have fun y’all.  Leave the comments you know where.