Just thought I’d post this viral email that my mother just sent me twice. It raises some concerns that I had as well, but it was written in typical “angry black person” prose fraught with some untruths and hyperbole. Question–how do people arrive at such ludicrous conclusions? Have they heard too much George Wilbourn on “The Michael Baisden Show” or too much Warren Ballentine that encourages all of these mild conspiracy theories. I mean, this aint nun but some Fried Chicken and Watermelon ish.
I mean, I was on board with the letter especially seeing as how they really are expecting between one and four to five million people for this inauguration for a city that already has some of the worst traffic behind NYC, and in a city that’s designed to support only half a million at best. I mean, I hated taking the Metro this past summer after a Nationals game, I could imagine what it’s going to look like on that Monday for the Al Sharpton King Day Celebration and Lorrrrrrrd knows what Tuesday’s plan is going to be. Personally, I plan to wake up at the butt crack of dawn on Tuesday morning and be at the Shady Grove station in Gaithersburg, Maryland and expect crowds like never before. But here’s the letter.
Inauguration Issues
Get on the Bus!
Question #1, where are all of those buses going to? Do all of these folks BELIEVE they are actually gong to get anywhere NEAR the ceremony? Brothers and Sistas, we can’t all go to Washington for the ceremony. The city ain’t but so big! “D.C.” is smaller than Queens. You wasn’t ALL INVITED! I heard of one church that has FIFTY buses going to Washington! Have y’all all lost yo minds?! FIFTY BUSES!
Where they gonna go? AN’ you know some our folks don’t do well in the cold! What’s Sista Jones and her bad hip gonna do standin on the lawn for three or four hours when it’s 10 degrees out? First of all, you know she caint walk from where y’all gon hafta leave the bus to where you goan hafta stan’, which is gonna be ’bout five MILES from where the President gonna be! An’ y’all know ya can’t be draggin’ all yo lawn chairs, beach chairs, piknik chairs an tables widya! You goanna hafta stand all through the ceremony. Sides, by the time all them bad hips an’ bad knees gits down there to the lawn, the ceremony be ’bout over! That brings ta mind another thing! Y’all needs to leave on time! This ain’t goan be lak no church piknik or barbecue, an’ it sho ain’t goan start two or three hours late like some gospel show.
Now Obama is a brotha, but he know how to handle his bizness! He don’t run on CP Time! Them folks ain’t goan stand out in that cold all morn in’ waitin for the 10,000 buses and vans comin’ from all over to get there. You church folks might jes as well plan on leaving Sunday mornin’ – do all yore singin’ an’ prayin’ on the road! Psalm 95 on I-95! (Check it out, it fits!)
An’ y’all best be plannin’ on leavin right afta the ceremony. They ain’t goan let y’all jes tie up Pennsylvania Avenue all daggone day! I can hear it now – “WOULD YOU PLEASE LEAVE THE LAWN!” They ain’t gonna wait while 20 million black folks line up to have they picture taken standin’ in front of the Capital.
AN’ all your marchin’ bands, steel pan ensembles, step teams, drill teams, Pee-Wee football cheerleaders, church choirs, jump-rope teams, Elks, Masons, Bisons, Shriners, Miners, Whiners, Evening Stars, Morning Stars, Falling Stars, Deltas, Sigmas, Kappas, Phi Beta Slammas, and fine Gamma Hammas can not ALL be in the parade. If you ain’t got an invitation ALREADY, you ain’t invited! So jes plan on goin’ down, an’ soon as you inside city limits get off the bus, take your pictures and LEAVE, cause with alla you peoples tryin to git there at the same time, the closest you likely to get to the capital will probably be Baltimore in the north and Richmond to the South.
Make sure that you SCHEDULE your time off, an’ that includes Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. Barack can’t be callin’ all your employers, an’ bein’ stuck in traffic on I-95 comin’ from the Inauguration doesn’t get you no kinda ministrative leave!
One other thing. remember back in the day when we was all still upset about racism in America, an’ many of us was convinced that THE MAN was constantly plottin’ our extermination?! Remember when everything was seen as an act of racial GENOCIDE – Welfare Reform; requirements that college athletes meet academic standards to be eligible to play; the DISPROPORTIONATE number of brothas in PRISON; drugs; raising academic standards; even birth control!
Well, just suppose there was a way to get ALL of the black people together in one place at the same time. Then it would be relatively easy to get rid of them. Well, as it seems like just about every black person in America is plannin’ on bein’ at the Inauguration, you don’t suppose that all of this could be part of some sinister MASTER PLAN to get rid of black people, do you?
For myself, I plan on stayin’ home that day an’ watchin’ everything on the tee-vee. Ah’ll probably see mo of it than any of y’all. Besides all that aroma of all that perfume, hair stylin’ chemicals, curried goat and fried chicken on a bus for 16 hours would drive me plum crazy. On the other hand, I might jes go down to the church that mornin’ an’ make a few bucks sellin’ some brown-paper-bag-gourmet-food. Besides, there’s gotta be at least ONE person left to tell about all this.
Anyway, I hope you have a great time and keep Barack an’ his family in your prayers! Oh yeah, remember, Jan 20, 2009 @ 7:30 p.m. sharp! No matter where you are, or what you doin’ – it’s time for the National Electric Slide!
Slide to the Left! Slide to the Right! Now everybody clap your hands!
Peace and Love,
Brother deBrother, M.A.D., A.D.D. & B. of S.
Keep it uppity and keep it truthfully radical, JLL
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Joshua Lawrence Lazard 
um, why is it written in this wannabe “down home” dialect attempt? That’s what I’m not understanding.
Yes Miss Kate, I wondered about that as well. Almost like “Carlton” tried to write so he could be one of the brothers with “Fresh Prince and Jazzy”.